Over the years, I have had many questions about how I raise my children eat healthy foods. At first, having picky eaters it was a struggle for our family. I was looking for a way to create better eating habits and encourage family meals.
After re-examining our family's approach to food (and through trial and error), I realized some “food rules”. This adjustment in how we viewed food and eating, along with involving my children more, has worked well for us.
If you're struggling with picky eaters, start by looking at your family's attitude toward food. Offering a variety of foods will help establish good eating habits. However, having some guidelines for food and meal times will help change their eating behavior. And it will make the time you spend around the table more enjoyable!
Why do we have Chosen The eaters?
often, parents assume their children won't eat or like certain foods – even if they haven't complained (or even tried!) a certain food before. There is a perception that “kid-friendly” foods like chicken nuggets, sandwiches and pre-packaged meals are the only things they want to eat. So we hesitate to introduce different foods because we fear our children will not like them.
When a child's diet regularly consists of this type of food, they are missing out on the important nutrients of a varied and complete diet.
I have also noticed that the attitude we teach our children about food is just as important as the food choices we offer. When I have visited other countries, I have noticed a significant difference in the way children seek, eat and behave around food.
I certainly think that the foods we market and prepare for our children in the US need to change. But I think it's just as important to change the way our kids (and us!) think about food.
7 Tips to Help Overcome Binge Eating
As I noticed that our family's attitude towards food needed to change, I began to incorporate ideas from other cultures. I noticed that my mother's French family ate a variety of foods, were not picky, and were naturally thin. I started using these ideas with my kids and the difference has been astounding.
These are our “Food Rules”, although the name is a bit misleading. These aren't hard and fast rules that make dinnertime more problematic. Instead, these are guidelines for how children should act in food-related situations. These “rules” are best learned by example and practiced as a family rather than with an iron fist (or wooden spoon).
1. No complaints about the food
In my house, children (and adults) are not allowed to complain about food. This does not mean that they are obliged to eat at every meal. But this means that it is not allowed to talk negatively about the food.
Food's number one job is to feed us. It's not for fun. This is an important thing to teach children. Furthermore, complaining about the food is rude to the person who prepared it and also shows a closed minded attitude. A negative comment about a particular food can spread quickly and is difficult to undo, especially with many children. So it is better to remove this completely!
No one is ever forced to eat unless they are hungry (see Rule #6). But everyone should sit together and participate with a positive attitude. Those who insist on a negative attitude may leave to get ready for bed.
2. Food is not a reward (or punishment)
To help create a neutral attitude towards food, I never use it as a reward or punishment. I want to avoid my children developing an emotional connection with food. Because, remember, food's number one job is to feed, not entertain.
Many of us (myself included!) have emotional attachments to certain foods. Or we feel the urge to eat certain things in emotional situations. How many times have you reached for a snack when you're feeling sad, stressed, excited, or bored?
This is also known as emotional eating. I want to avoid this with my children, especially with the rising child obesity rates. So it is important not to make a connection between foods (especially unhealthy ones) and emotions.
To that end, I don't use food as a bribe or reward for good behavior (although I'm not perfect at that!). I also don't highlight certain foods on birthdays or other special occasions. Instead, I focus on experiences. For example, we will go to the zoo instead of having a birthday cake and sugary snacks.
Likewise, I do not present foods as punishment, nor do I associate them with punishment. I would never say, “You have to eat asparagus or you're in trouble.” While I don't let my kids complain about food (see Rule #1), the negative attitude is disciplined, not the food-related action.
3. Eating is a positive family activity
Eating family meals at the dinner table has become less common. But it is so important for everyone in the family! The trend of eating on the go and while watching TV contributes to negative attitudes towards food. For this reason, I work hard to eat our meals (especially breakfast and dinner) together as a family when possible.
Everyone comes to the table with a positive attitude (see Rule #1). If they choose not to eat, they can stay and enjoy the conversation. This promotes our family time and makes it less about eating and more about bonding.
While we're eating, I focus on soothing conversation to reduce stress at the table. We talk about things we are grateful for, things that make us laugh. This creates a space to eat more slowly and mindfully. And it helps increase their well-being by eating in a less stressful situation.
4. Involve the children
This is great for helping kids get more interested in food, especially new foods! Children of all ages can be more involved in the process. And when children are involved, it gives them the opportunity to try new things. Added bonus: they'll learn how to plan and cook meals when they're off on their own!
Starting when my kids were little, up until the age of 2, I would ask them to help. At the grocery store or farmers market, you can talk about the different foods and have them choose new ones to try. I always make an effort to explain why certain foods are more nutrient dense and how they benefit the body (see Rule #7).
Children can also help with meal planning, food preparation, setting the table and cleaning up. I love this course from my friend Katie Kimball, Children cook real food. She offers courses with age-appropriate instruction and even has a mini-course for toddlers! It's a great solution to help avoid (or cure!) a picky eater.
5. Try, Try again
In my house, the whole family eats the same thing at every meal. Children do not receive special “kid-friendly” meals. Once they can eat solids, they get small portions of what we all eat. This atmosphere encourages them to eat what is served and avoids food fights. When I serve an unusual or new food, I don't make a big deal about it. I just present it with a positive attitude and assume they'll eat it up.
They take a small bite of each food served (a green bean, a bite of sweet potato, and a piece of chicken). When they finish one bite of each, they can ask for more.
If they don't like a food or ask for more, I calm them down. I explain that it's okay as long as they're willing to try it every time. I explain that one day (when they grow up), their tastes and food preferences may change and they may like food. They are not forced to eat large amounts of foods they don't necessarily like. But I serve it repeatedly and hope they keep trying it.
6. Hunger is okay
In our house, we don't look at hunger as a negative experience that we constantly try to correct. I have known people who have completely lost their natural sense of hunger due to constant access to food.
It's perfectly normal (and expected) to be hungry before you eat a meal. Children who are at least a little hungry tend to be happier and more adventurous eaters at mealtime. For this reason, I try to limit snack times and make sure they happen well before meals. There is no need to practice continuous feeding.
Normal mealtime hunger encourages children to eat what is served. It also helps them want to eat enough to avoid getting hungry too quickly. At the same time, a child who complains and is kicked out of the dinner table to get ready for bed (see Rule #1) quickly learns to have a more positive attitude. It never took my kids more than two nights of family dinners to find an improved perspective.
7. Focus on nutritious foods
I noticed that my mother (and the French in general) eat smaller amounts of higher quality food. They enjoy it more and obsess over it less (generally). To make all of the above “rules” easier to follow, I focus on cooking nutrient-dense foods from scratch. We incorporate bone brothraw cheeses, homemade sauces (with butter or cream), high-quality meats, eggs and egg-based foods such as Hollandaise sauce on a daily basis.
My kids eat a balanced meal after eating an omelette filled with meat and vegetables and topped with hollandaise. But they've also got a boost in healthy fats (compared to a bowl of cereal).
Although time consuming, I appreciate home cooked and nutritious meals. So I cook from scratch most days, but so do I group chef on the weekend. This saves a lot of time and sets us up for the week. And because the kids help (see Rule #4), it saves me time now that they're older.
Changing my family's attitude to food has been a process. But it's one worth changing picky eaters into healthy eaters! As you begin this journey, remember that you are the best role model for your children. They are observing your relationship with food and how you react. Soon, fine dining will be a thing of the past!
Is it a battle for your family or are your kids adventurous eaters? How do you deal with a picky eater? Share your tips below!
